Little Things Keep Repeating
by shellheaded
Summary: Bruce has issues. But so does Tony, so that makes it okay, right? Bruce/Tony. Please read the warnings.


Warning: Abusive relationship and mentions of past abuse.

Notes: This is Tony's point of view on my story 'I Don't Want to Hurt You', it's not necessary to read that first but I would recommend it. Full title is, 'It's a New Life (But Little Things Keep Repeating).

* * *

He told himself he'd never let this happen again. He told himself he'd never let anyone hurt him. He'd never let anyone get close enough. But here he is. Metaphorically clinging to Bruce like an affection starved baby monkey. Pathetic. But he can't help it. Maybe Bruce got angry, and maybe Bruce hits him, but later, he comes to Tony, and he tells him he's sorry and he hugs him. And that feels so good. Howard never said he was sorry.

So Tony tells Bruce it's okay. He tells him he believes him when he says it won't happen again, even though he knows it isn't true. Bruce kisses him and runs a hand through his hair. Tony smiles. Bruce tells him again how sorry he is. Tony tells him it's fine. And everything's okay again.

It happens again. Like Tony knew it would. He's a futurist, after all. He didn't mean to upset Bruce and isn't sure what did it. But Bruce looks so sad when he tells Tony not to do 'that' again, that Tony says he's sorry anyway. And even though Tony can walk just fine - it's his wrist he landed on - Bruce helps him up and half carries him to bed. Tony kisses him and Bruce is Bruce again.

It happens again. Of course. But it's not like Tony minds, really. It's not like it bothers him. He can take a hit now and then if it makes Bruce feel better. It's not even like he's never done this before. Maybe it's not that healthy. But he's Tony Stark, since when has he ever cared about doing what's best for his health? So he lets Bruce say he's sorry again and he listens to him beg forgiveness and Tony shrugs and says it's fine. Maybe it's not really fine, but it's not like he's got a whole lot of options. He needs Bruce. There is no one else. But Bruce can't leave him. Bruce is just as messed up as he is. Bruce accepts Tony's issues, so Tony has to accept his.

Tony thinks it's funny sometimes. Here they both are, men of science, trapped in some insanely unproductive cycle of abuse - because he won't even pretend that's not what it is. Bruce hits him and pretends it's different. Bruce isn't drunk. Bruce is in control. Bruce isn't like his father at all. Tony gets hit and pretends it's different too. Bruce isn't drunk. Bruce tells him he's sorry. Bruce isn't like his father at all. That's what Tony tells himself, and if he needs to drink a bottle of whiskey to convince himself it's true, well, being drunk is nothing new to Tony Stark.

He wants to help Bruce - to fix him - but he'd have to fix himself first, and he has no idea how to do that. Would have done it long ago, if it had ever been an option. So instead, he says horrible things and starts petty arguments, then at least they can both pretend it's not unreasonable for Bruce to lose his temper. Then, at least, Bruce can stop feeling guilty and Tony can stop feeling weak.

Sometimes Bruce says the weirdest things. He tells Tony he misses him. Tony wonders if something's wrong with Bruce. Then he laughs, because there's a big pink elephant standing in the corner of his lab. Of course something's wrong with Bruce. Something's very wrong. He forces back the laughter when he sees Bruce's expression. He tells Bruce that he's been in the lab all week. He hasn't gone anywhere. He tells Bruce they'll go for dinner sometime soon. If they spend the night together, Bruce can't possibly miss him. But Bruce sighs and walks away and Tony wonders what he's missing. Tony doesn't like it. Second guessing Bruce's meaning feels too much like living with Howard. But it doesn't happen this time, so he must have done something right.

But then there's Steve. Steve pulls him aside one day and asks him if everything's okay. Tony says he doesn't know what he's talking about. But he holds his hands behind his back and pulls his sleeve down to cover the bruises on his wrist. He shouldn't have to, but Steve's the kind of goodie-goodie who'd jump to conclusions - and even if he wouldn't really be wrong, he wouldn't understand either, so Tony doesn't let him see. Steve says he's worried. Steve puts a hand on his shoulder and tells him, 'If you ever want to talk...' Tony tells him to piss off and mind his own business. And if Steve's eyes lock on the bruising when Tony forgets to keep it covered as he swats Steve's arm away, well, that's none of his business either.

But Steve is an asshole. That's the conclusion Tony came to the day they first met. Somehow, along the way, he'd managed to forget that. But when Bruce has a crushing grip on his arm and a green glow in his eyes as he asks Tony what he's been telling Steve, Tony is swiftly reminded of his first impression.

Tony denies it. Of course he denies it. He really _didn't_ say anything to Steve. But Bruce doesn't believe him. Bruce slaps him. And it hurts. Bruce let's go of him, steps back and Hulks out. And Tony doesn't know what he's done that's so wrong this time. What he's done to make Bruce _that_ angry.

The Hulk roars. Tony's sure he's about to be killed. But the Hulk picks him up and looks at him. And for all of Tony's genius-level vocabulary, the only word he can think of to describe the look in the Hulk's eyes is _sad_. The Hulk puts Tony down and Tony looks on helplessly as the Hulk repeatedly bashes his head against the reinforced walls of the lab. This isn't normal Hulk behaviour. This is unprecedented. This, like nothing the Hulk has ever done, scares Tony.

In less than a minute, the Hulk disappears and Bruce is Bruce again. Tony goes over to help, but Bruce pushes him away. 'No,' he says. And Tony isn't sure what that's supposed to mean. 'No more.' Bruce gets up, staggers past Tony and leaves the lab. Leaves the mansion. Leaves Tony alone.

He doesn't come back. And Tony can't find him

Tony thinks sometimes, that he should just let it go. Just let Bruce go. But the clingy child once buried deep inside desperately searches, wanting, _needing_, to find Bruce and beg him to come back. To curl up in his arms and ask, 'Why did you leave me? Why don't you love me? What did I do wrong?' It's not fair, he thinks, that he gave Bruce everything, and then Bruce ran away. But then, Tony Stark's life has only ever been a long string of not-fair things. So he shoves the clingy child away again, hides him back in his box - the one with Afghanistan and Howard and Obadiah and everything else that Tony pretends doesn't exist.

He moves on. He smiles at Clint's lame jokes. He makes fun of Fury. He designs new Iron Man suits. He drink copious amounts of liquor and sleeps with numerous dumb blondes. He never stops looking.


End file.
